The day I was born, the nurses wept in despair, for they knew they would never see a child such as I again. In the 8th grade, I was invited to participate in an international think tank on aging. My hobbies include experiments into controlling the weather, and a successful attempt to breed dolphins and humans. I was introduced to the French school of cooking by a wizened Oriental master over a campfire. I have received an award from the IRS on the beauty and prose of my tax returns. I have composed symphonies so beautiful that several members of the audience damaged their eardrums in an attempt to deafen themselves, as they knew they would never hear anything so beautiful again. I don't need these lines to get laid. My fashion sense is unparalleled. I am the only person to climb Mt. Everest in a t shirt and shorts. I free-dived with the box jellyfish, and lived to tell about it. I am humble. I have no need to brag.

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