My name is Nick but most of my friends call me Robi. I used to stream on twitch back in 2011-2012. When I moved to Seattle in 2015, I was alone, morbidly obese, unemployed, and incredibly depressed. I decided to start streaming again in 1/15/18 as a way to chronicle my attempts at getting healthier both physically and mentally. Over that time, I went through ups and downs trying to make myself healthier mentally as well as physically and worked on advancing my career at Amazon. 2019 was perhaps the best year of my life where I managed to lose 158 pounds (353-195), get a highly coveted job at Amazon as a Product Manager, and achieve some relationship goals that were a tremendous driving force in my life. (2023 edit) Now I'm back to the drawing board trying to get healthy again and find my next career. 2020 has started off with a couple steps back. I'm single again, I regained about 25 pounds (220), and am trying to break the vicious cycle of depending on alcohol and fast food to make me happy. This year, I hope to restart both the stream and my attempts to get healthy to show that, not only can you get healthy and be successful, but if you fall down, you can get up again and get back on track. 2021 Update: Things are going pretty well personally. I have an amazing girlfriend that I met back in September, I got promoted in December, 2020. And I'm still running a lot and trying to stay in shape (although that's somewhat of a WIP). Unfortunately, 2021 has me quitting alcohol for 300 days as I take a daily regimen of medication to treat and eliminate latent tuberculosis that I was diagnosed with. I'm still working hard to advance my career as a product manager even further and am starting to think about ways to help others who are/were in a similar position that I was in back in 2015. Feel free to ask me any questions and I'll answer to the best of my ability! FAQ: Q: What games do you play? I mostly play JRPGs (usually old school JRPGs) but also play other RPGs from time to time such as the Elder Scrolls and Fallout Franchise. Q: Why are you called "Robipanda?" Robi is a nickname I've had since I was a kid. All my friends call me Robi to this day. The "Panda" portion of my name is cause of a secondary nickname I had back in college that I got from friends due to being a big, fuzzy guy with sleep deprivation circles under his eyes and appreciation for East Asian culture. Part of my attempts to be healthier is to become less panda-like. Q: So, you're not a furry? Nope.

12/5/20: I'm currently at 206 pounds. I'm still running 10K when I can; however, the cold and life has been putting a damper on my runs. I have a girlfriend! Her name's Van, and we've been together officially for a little over two months. I also got promoted and am already tracking to level up again within 12-18 months if everything goes according to plan. I enjoy the work that I do still even though it's stressful. I was a factual witness on behalf of Amazon in a federal court where I was testifying on the record for 7 hours straight. Yikes. Overall, things are going really well. I hope I can close out the year strong despite the pandemic. I also intend to stream more again and try to have some kind of a hard schedule to stick to; managing work, girlfriend and my own life....wish me luck. 3/15/20: Did a nice walk today although it was frickin cold. Weighing in at approx 220 and almost fully back into keto. Decided to brute force my determination into rebooting a stream schedule as well as sticking to what I enjoyed most when streaming for people; JRPGs. Feeling optimistic although I still go through daily highs and lows since so many questions remain in my head of the past 4 months. There's also the specter of Corona looming in Seattle. Prime now doesn't have delivery times and it seems like our supply chain is being put to the test. Today was the first day I felt dread after speaking to my parents. My mom apparently has a cold and no fever although I'm obviously worried. They're gearing up for 3 weeks worth of supplies which startled me because they're never the ones to consider doomsday scenarios. I hope they'll be safe. Meanwhile, I'm wondering what my options are. May consider a whole foods run tomorrow. I'm also going to try to go running outside tomorrow since my apartment's gym is shut down indefinitely. Apparently it's supposed to get worse before it gets better. Hope we can make it. On a lighter note, after a cooking stream tonight along with more "Secret of Mana," I will be doing Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule of FF6 streaming with cooking as a small break between some pauses. Saturday and Sunday will most likely be an optional day where I stream whatever I feel at that moment. I want to say thanks to everyone thus far who have supported me. It really means a lot and has helped me get through some tough times. I look forward to kicking off the next chapter of streaming for you all in 2020! 2/14/20: OK, being mindful of calories DID NOT work. At 230 (THE FUCK?!). Doing strict keto again. Purged my entire apartment of anything remotely resembling a carb. Plan of attack this week, eat 900 calories average a day and have less than 20 grams of carbs. Did HIIT cardio today with a BPM range of 142-188. Feeling exhausted but also decent (which is more than I can say for how I've felt this whole week). Valentine's day rolled around and I really thought I wouldn't be single at this point so that stings a little. I also feel like I'm starting from square one all over again (even though I'm not) and am trying to fight this feeling of hopelessness. I'm working over the weekend in order to cover some important deadlines but I actually think that's a blessing in disguise. Haven't been able to keep positive and work is the only place where I feel like I'm wanted. Health goals this week are to lose 10 pounds by next Friday (it'll mostly be water weight cause of the carbs I'm no longer going to be relying on). I'm also meeting with my trainer to work on muscle/fat ratio. Hope to have some good news for you guys soon. 1/31/20: Put my diet on hold for about a week. I'm trying to be mindful of calorie intake while not being really strict and seeing what happens when I just do napkin math with calories and continue working out. Still at 220 pounds and a little annoyed at my lack of progress. Next week I hope to be able to see if my "Middle path" method of moderation works. Otherwise, I'll go hard into keto and dieting again. Going to try to do some lifting tomorrow and two sets of cardio if possible. I'm also hoping I can get out of the apartment more this coming week since it's really lonely just being in the apartment for hours on end. Overall, things are ok while I try to figure out things and heal. 1/24/20: Bringing back this journal as a weekly thing for now. A lot has happened; I had reached my lowest weight in October 2019 at 195, had a relationship (although short lived) and now have a new job within Amazon that I could not be happier with. Unfortunately, I'm back to being single and I feel like I may have lost two good friends. I gained about 20 pounds back after my surgery and am at 220. I'm trying to do keto again and am 20 hours into a 72 hour fast. I've been hitting the gym again doing HIIT cardio going between 4.0 and 6.0 MPH intervals at a steady 4.0 incline. Heart rate was spiking at 190 BPM but now is more around 185 at its peak. Still need to recover from surgery and the doc says it may be anywhere from 3 to 5 more months. The past 3 weeks or so I've been really depressed and I feel like I've lost a couple of good friends and I keep asking myself what I could have done better to not have that happen. A part of me blames the surgery and thinks that, if I didn't have it, maybe I would still be in a relationship and would not have had relapses into drinking and bad eating. I'm starting to wonder if I really can have alcohol in my life within moderation or if it's just something that is not possible anymore. There's so much shame and frustration at myself for how things have been in my personal life and I'm just hoping to god that it doesn't bleed over into my professional life. I'm trying to be positive but the overwhelming sense of loneliness in my apartment has been suffocating. Hopefully I can focus on other things and keep busy so I don't have time to think about the negative aspects of being alone in this city. Hope next week I have a more positive post for you guys. 9/22/19: Forgot to post something Friday so I'm posting now. I'm down 156 pounds overall at 197. Work has been rough this week as, after talking with my new manager, promotion doesn't look likely this year. My friend got promoted and I"m happy for him. I really need to get a clear idea of when promotion timelines will be cause I don't want to be on this team if there's no possibility of furthering my career. Overall state of things are ok. Exercising has been a little more challenging since I still have a lingering cough/sniffles and my ears still pop from time to time. I've been trying to keep myself busy by getting into things like brewing loose leaf green tea and learning the specifics of brewing "The perfect cup." Also got back into playing piano which has been fun. Still a fairly lonely existence in Seattle though. I'm hoping some things change in that regard in the coming months. I hope to lose at least 2-4 more pounds before my vacation in 2 weeks while continuing to build muscle. It is really gratifying to be able to look in the mirror and see definition on my arms. A lot of people at work continue to remind me how much progress I've made and the tone seems to be changing from "Keep going" to "You've made it." I don't feel like I've made it yet. I think I need to lose at least 10 more pounds overall. I hope there are some other positive things over the horizon. A girlfriend would be nice....hah....anyways, sorry I haven't been able to stream much. The aforementioned issues (especially work stress) have put me in a head-space where I just don't feel up to it. There are not a lot of things I seem to be interested in these days. I hope that changes eventually. Hope to have more good news next week. 9/13/19: Reached a personal milestone of being 198 pounds making my overall weight loss 155 pounds since December. In my entire life since I was fully grown, I have never been under 200 pounds. Knowing that I have also been putting on muscle really helps knowing that 198 is not just an inflated number either. My body fat measurements according to the doctor's scale is around 15% and I'm looking to improve that number even further. I have my vacation in LA to look forward to as well as my sister's wedding after that. The end of my weight loss journey is in sight and I hope to have a smooth transition to the next phase of my life of sustainable (yet enjoyable) eating, social outings, and maybe even dating (that would be nice) once I hit 175-185-ish. Other aspects of my life (such as work and overall mental health) are coming along at their own pace. Things that I used to enjoy aren't as stimulating as they used to be. I'm not sure why that is. Life in Seattle is still a fairly solitary existence and I think remedying that part of my life will be the next step. I'll work on keeping you all posted more consistently and hope to have more good news in the future. 6/29/19: Doing really well! Vacation was great but now I'm back doing Keto. Kick started everything with a 72 hour fast and am still going through Keto flu symptoms. Since 12/7/18, I have lost 123 pounds (from 353 to 230 [5'11"]) and I am trying to lose 35 more before my sister's wedding. Hope to have more good news in the future! 4/5/19: Since the last post, I've lost 15 more pounds. Work has eased off and I'm trying to take it easy and focus on streaming. I'm still a ways away from my goal; however, I feel better about myself overall in terms of my progress. Still no alcohol for over 6 months and Keto for over 4 months. Excited to see my dad next week when he comes to visit. Hope I can continue to learn to take it easier at work and not think every day is a "Do or die" moment. There are moments I've been able to reflect on things and realize that there are still plenty of aspects of my life I should improve. Hope to work on those throughout 2019. 3/15/19: Wanted to provide an update here. 4 days away from 6 months of no alcohol. A little over 3 months of doing Keto. I have lost a LOT of weight in 3 months and 1 week (I have been counting since 12/7/18). I work out 3-4 days a week doing about 180-240 minutes of cardio. I've been doing intermittent and prolonged fasting sometimes going 84 hours without food. I have been logging everything and intend to provide all the data once I get to a weight I'm comfortable talking about everything. For now, I intend to only talk about everything with a select few. Work continues to evolve in the stress it provides. I'm working to get promoted by Q2/Q3. Work has made me not a pleasant person to talk to sometimes and I feel like I have pushed some friends away from me due to all the venting. I'm also 1 week away from moving to my new apartment. I'm really hoping that, once the move is done, it will signal a new phase in my life. I want to thank everybody who has supported me and been there for me. Especially my friends who have put up with all my venting. I'm so lucky to know you and I hope to be there for you in any capacity in the future should you need me. 8/24/18: Decided to start this again to give everyone an update. I stopped Keto once I went to France but intend to try to reboot it over the weekend (enduring the Keto flu meanwhile). I gained a bunch of weight back and am going to try to give myself an intense week of gym and dieting with Keto to undo the damage I had done. It's been 9 days since 0 alcohol and I've been feeling a lot better. The urge is there every now and then but I've been reminding myself what a disaster it had been before and how much I hated myself the morning after. Work has been a crazy cataclysmic shift in everything that I really don't want to go into right now. I'm so thankful for all the support everybody has been showing me. I can't begin to tell you how great it is having you guys hang out and keep me company while I just nerd out and play video games. I hope I can continue to get better and provide you more memorable moments and memes as we move forward! 6/29/18: I missed a week for entries? What? weird....I truly need a break from work. And what do ya know? I'm going on vacation next week! Sadly, Monday will officially end my streak for streaming every day. I feel like this will end a chapter in my streams. 106 days in a row will be the end of it on Sunday. Streams will most likely resume the following Tuesday on 7/10. It's wild thinking about how things have changed from 1/13/18 to today. 696 new followers (1006 total as of today)! Awesome people who have come in, spent time here to chat and enjoy video games. People like Bee and Show who make things just cause they want to. You have all had an impact on my life and I can't thank you enough for the change you've helped me make thus far. It's not over yet! This weekend, I'll formally lay out what we can expect in the second half of streaming in 2018! A more balanced approach to life and streaming that I think will benefit everybody. Stay tuned! 6/15/18: Went back up to my plateau weight cause I broke Keto. I'm disappointed in myself but the mindset I was in this whole time during the worst 2-3 weeks of my career was killing me mentally and I needed SOMETHING to fall back on. Didn't want to bother someone I've been talking to a lot cause I already bothered them a crap ton. So I broke the diet and fucked up. Still no alcohol at least. I'm going to restart going into keto over the weekend. Work should be easing up now since I'm ramping down for vacation. I hope I stop feeling so stressed out and self-deprecating. It really isn't helping. 6/8/18: We are back to the lowest I've gotten at 30 pounds down total (I think that's the lowest right?) Keto diet is on day 2-3 (I forget) and the carb withdrawal is real. I have to remember that "I'll start tomorrow" is no longer an option. No more tomorrows. Gotta suffer through this! I was going to do the gym today but unfortunately work got in the way of that and I wanted to start the stream on time. Been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me this week. I need to fix that....Doesn't feel good. Hope next week I can break through the plateau and lose more weight. I'm thinking of stopping keeping track and just say whether I lost or gained more...we'll see... 6/1/18: 3 pounds up....DAMNIT! OK....My promise to you chat is that I am doing Keto starting Monday. NO MORE EXCUSES. WE'RE DOING THIS! Food has literally replaced alcohol in terms of a crutch and that is NOT why I stopped drinking. So many reasons to do this. We're doing it live like Bill O said! 5/25/18: 4 pounds down. back to the plateau. Writing this as I should start streaming so I'm going to stop....now....ok now..... 5/18/18: I'm so busy I'm only writing this to say I gained 1 pound...crap....MUST CHANGE HABITS! Still no alcohol at least for 72 days now. 5/11/18: Still nothing lost nor gained. I'm eating crap and even things I normally never eat. I'm just replacing 1 bad habit with another. Work was SUPER stressful this week and it doesn't look like next week is going to be any better. This week streaming wise was AWESOME! I'm going to do a massive food purge in my apartment over the weekend and get professional cleaning done Monday so I can maybe start next week in a better overall mindset and atmosphere. 5/4/18: No weight loss. No weight gain. Another insanely busy week that makes me appreciate you guys and the weekend even more! Still no drinking. Emotions have been all around the place this week. Hope I can figure out something sustainable for weight loss soon... 4/27/18: 3 pounds back up! DAMNIT! I'm not surprised though. I'm continuing to justify comfort eating and at horrible times because I'm still not drinking (at least I have that still going for me). Still no gym because I just have NO TIME to do anything between work and streaming. I need to find a solution...I just don't know what it is...Trying to find new motivation is hard.. 4/20/18: No blazing it. 3 pounds down from last week which means 1 pound net gain from the past 2 weeks. 30 pounds lost total since I started. Still horrible eating habits and not working out. Life has been the following routine: 1. Wake up around 5 AM 2. Get to work at around 7 AM, 3. Get home around 3:30-4:30 PM depending on work. 4. Grab a bite and prep the stream and then stream until 8:30-9 PM 5. Get ready to sleep get ready to repeat the process Not much time to work out between all of that. Not much room for "Self Care" although I may try to convince myself that streaming is a form of that. We'll see what next week brings. 4/13/18: Friday the 13th has definitely impacted my weight at least! 4 pounds up from last week....ok....it's not Friday the 13th. Once again no gym and eating bad food and at times before i go to bed. Really need to motivate myself to go to the gym but, after work and streaming, I'm just so exhausted. Getting up in the morning and going to work is a big challenge as well. I need to figure out what I can do better.... 4/6/18: No weight lost or gained again. Plateau is real. Didn't go to the gym cause I've been struggling to adjust to my new schedule. I've noticed that, in place of alcohol, I'm having more comfort food. THIS MUST STOP. Intent to reset things next week. Tomorrow marks 1 month 100% sober! 3/30/18: Weight stayed the same. This means I must now really step it up with careful eating and finally go to the gym next week. 23 days still dry. Feeling a lot happier and more energetic! 3/23/18: Couldn't do gym (getting over a coughing fit). Lost 2 pounds this week. New belt already went down a notch compared to last week. 31 pounds lost total. 3/16/18: Lost 4 pounds. Had to buy a smaller belt. New clothes are likely as well. Gym workout starts next week hopefully and Keto diet! 29 pounds total. 3/9/18: Really tough week. No weight loss/gain. Somehow lost another notch on my belt so I probably have to buy a smaller one. So at least I have that going for me which is nice. 3/2/18: Out sick the whole week with the flu. Lost 25 pounds total. 2/16/18: 15 pounds lost since starting. 4 days dry. 2/9/18: 11 pounds lost since starting. Going 100% dry has not gone well. 2/2/18: 7 pounds lost since starting, 2 notches lower on the belt. 1/26/18: Lost 2 pounds from last week.

If you want to support me even further I now have a donations page (click on the panda making it rain). Please know that being in my stream is more than enough support and anything outside of that is totally up to you as well as insanely generous! All donations will go directly back into the stream for things like better streaming equipment, games, old school consoles (like dreamcast) etc.